i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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