she woke up with a sticky ear
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
