I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
