is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize