Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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