What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
