the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
