Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
