Midget sex pt 2 tonight
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
