Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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