I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
