i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
