When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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