You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
