idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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