i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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