p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
