told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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