You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
