he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize