Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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