the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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