Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize