TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
