He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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