I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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