i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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