Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
false alarm. still invincible.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
