Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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