i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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