I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
