So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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