its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
