I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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