So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
