I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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