he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
