There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
