Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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