I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
