I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
