he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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