Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
