Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
