wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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