Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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