He uses pillows to masturbate.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
