I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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