Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My life is pants optional.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
