So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
