What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
