found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
