he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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