Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
