I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
