arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
