well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
