So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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