there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
