lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
