I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
