i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
