I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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