It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
