whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
