She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
40s are totally the cure
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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