OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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