Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
