I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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