honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
