I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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