You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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