What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
