how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
