Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
