My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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