Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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