so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
