Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
