Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
